We have so many demands on our time. Whether it is work, family, friends, chores, it never feels like there is enough to go around.
Here is one thing that has worked for me when there are things I must do. I set the time aside and then I’m fiercely protective of it. There are very few things I will not flex on, but the ones I’m not moving, I’m ferocious about defending.
I’ve been doing this for a few years and I’m having pretty good success with it so I’d kind of forgotten this trick. What reminded me and made me want to share was this Harvard Business Review article.
“Empower employees to block out focus time. Amid the constant din of meetings and emails, many employees feel that they lack the uninterrupted time to actually get their work done. Employees who get even 55 minutes of time to themselves report feeling more energized (56%), friendlier (53%), funnier (23%), and even smarter (22%). …”
I think these stats about feeling more energized, friendlier, funnier, smarter – all things that actually kind of fit with “happier” – also apply to personal time, so while this post has more a of a work tilt, please keep an open mind about it benefiting your personal life too.
The suggestion that managers/companies tell employees it’s okay to block time is lovely, however in my experience very few leaders think to do this, and when they try, very few of us follow it because we all have different priorities and then it crossed my mind, we probably need to be reminded, we don’t need permission to block time for ourselves – our boss doesn’t have to to it for us.
The idea of treating certain time commitments as something to be defended (not just committed but really, truly defended) came to me when I had a team member who was feeling really stressed by the number of demands on her time. I recommended she block time to complete her must do’s and then guard it, ferociously. I was intentionally encouraging a mindset of “I will not fall”. I wanted to instill a sense of it being okay to be “non-negotiable” around certain commitments. I needed to change her perspective on time commitments. Many of us feel that we have to justify why we are saying “no” or “not right now” and so we get talked out of the promise we made ourselves.
Think about the few times in your life when you’ve had to guard, protect, defend something. It’s a different attitude. It brings to mind steely resolve, feet firmly planted, shoulders back. It’s a physical evocation of a point of view. Now, imagine applying that to your time commitments.
For me this particularly applies to work. For a whole host of reasons work often comes first on my priority list. When someone needs my help, has a meeting they can’t have without me, assigns me a last minute task, I will push everything else aside to meet that “need”. I’ll skip lunch, work late, not go to grocery store, skip my chiropractor, reschedule loved ones. It is really hard for me to not put work first.
In the work world and to some degree the personal world, there is an expectation that we’re looking after ourselves. Our leaders are trusting us to manage our own work, health, needs in order to always be our best while at work. Our families are assuming that we’re making sure we’re getting what we need. If we wait for someone to give us permission or to put us first, we’ll get left behind because we’ll always be responding to someone else’s priorities not our own. Have you ever had the experience of someone being surprised when you say “that’s it! I can’t take it anymore, I never get any time for me”. The reason your boss, spouse, friend is surprised is subconsciously they’ve trusted that you’re managing your own needs.
The only thing that has helped for me is to identify the things that I must do and block my calendar – then no matter what, be protective of that time. Once I do it for awhile people get used to that being a non-negotiable.
Okay – I’ve think I’ve made my point. Assuming I’ve convinced you, here is how you can start carving out time for you – then once you have, be ferociously protective of it!
There are at least two categories of protected time, recurring commitments and “must dos”. For me the recurring commitments are usually personal, such as my chiropractor appointments or my horse back riding lessons. For others it’s yoga, the gym, church, time with a cherished friend. The “must dos” vary. Sometimes it’s a work project with a hard deadline, other times its a promise to a loved one, or a doctor’s appointment.
I truly don’t believe we have to get permission to do this – we just need to set the pattern and keep it. This pattern will help get you and others used to the idea that sometimes you’ll say “not right not” and that you can’t be cajoled into changing your mind. Because it will take you and others time to get used to this new “protectiveness”, start with a modest, recurring commitment that is important enough to you to defend.
Pick a pattern that is small enough to keep, and consistent enough to make a difference “9-10 every Tues/Thurs” or “4-5 Mon and Fri.” or 30 min a day – just pick a pattern, block your calendar…Go!
… and then come back and tell us how you did!