I know we all have her, well some of us have a him, but regardless we all have that little voice who’s true intention is to help, it’s just – unfortunately at least with mine – she’s prone to panic.
It usually starts with something that makes me a little bit uncomfortable – a bit of conflict with somebody at work, an unexpected bill, putting my foot in my mouth with somebody that I really wanted to look composed in front of…add in a little bit of pre-existing stress such as having not had a good night’s sleep or a few too many back to back meetings and voila! Out she pops.
Mine was very, very, busy on Wednesday and every time she got uncomfortable she really wanted me to take action. She was convinced the actions that she wanted me to take would solve the problem. One more email would put to rest that work conflict. Spending a little bit more time comparing my checking account and the household spending, while fretting about past frivolous purchases, would somehow enable me to time travel and therefore have the money to cover the surprise bill. There is no way to get her to be quiet when I have put my foot in my mouth and mortified us both, the only solution for that is just giving her time to get over the desperate embarrassment.
The wonderful thing is for the first time that I was consciously aware of, I was able to stay just enough connected to my thinking brain and not get totally taken over by my amygdala (see bottom of post for sciencey stuff) so instead of sending one more email I got up and made a snack (I was working from home that day). The financial example was a little fictionalized for fun, but basically, I was avoiding talking to financial planners because I didn’t want to be told “you can’t afford to run away to Mallorca“. So, I got a handle on myself and set up the appointment.
The reason this all made me so happy, and why I wanted to share it, is I know we all have that voice. I’ve been working for years on finding ways to get her to simmer down a little; I think it’s working!!
So – stick with the tools you’re building. The mediation, the eating right, the cognitive coaching, the working out (not the the tequila, lay off the tequila). And we’re all right here with you!
If you haven’t started putting together this particular to tool set yet there are some suggestions below but here’s a couple of easy things that might get you started.
- Start incorporating mindfulness or meditation. Every morning I do 10 to 15 minutes of basic stretching that I have to do and while I do it I listen to music that’s proven to help with stress release or a guided meditation.
- When you feel yourself starting to get pulled into this swirl, try 4=7-8, this breathing technique is recommended as a way to reduce anxiety when trying to sleep. As someone who is always trying to reduce anxiety, I use it any time! Breathe in for four, hold for seven (legit seven), release for eight.
- Count backwards from five. Apparently counting backwards requires just enough concentration that it moves us from our automatic habit portion of our brain to our frontal cortex which is our thinking brain, so it helps us reset.
Keep doing this until your voice has at least quiet enough that you can either go on with your day or if necessary step away from whatever fired her up in the first place and come back to it later.
If you have any techniques that you would like to share to help build out the tool kit, I’d love to hear them!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sciencey stuff = tools
What is an amygdala?
“When you think of the amygdala, you should think of one word.Fear. The amygdala is the reason we are afraid of things outside our control. It also controls the way we react to certain stimuli, or an event that causes an emotion, that we see as potentially threatening or dangerous.” The Brain Made Simple
~~~~~~~~~~~
“The amygdala can only be trained with behavior and memory…. “Prove that you’re not scared by behaving without fear and I’ll buy it. Until then, my alarm bells are ringing”.” ANXIETY & THE AMYGDALA
This article also says “… I’m not a fan of articles which lists steps like “get proper sleep”, “exercise”, “don’t worry”, “think less”. What if you can’t do any of this because of the circumstances in your life? Then you need a more creative plan. Find it.”…I agree with that, although sleep and diet muddle can be hard to wade through; and finding a more creative plan when you can’t remember to brush your teeth is tough…in the past, when it woke me up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t sleep because my skin was crawling, I’d go curl up under a warm shower. Wasteful, yes. Weird…maybe, but it worked for me. It would soothe me enough to get a catnap and make it through the next day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some hippy-dippy tools (I love this kind of stuff…but not for everyone) Can’t stop worrying? Here’s how to train your anxious brain
“Shrinking the amygdala – A regular meditation practice of 30 minutes a day has been shown to reduce the size of the amygdala…”
Unlearning the fear response – Another way to retrain the amygdala is through exposure therapy. …“In this technique we develop a fear hierarchy, which you then gradually work through to the most fearful situation,” she explains.” Umm, yeah, so I get the concept, struggle with the application…me and water, still an amygdala fest.
Quietening the anxiety – “… A small-scale US study of war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder found that those who completed group therapy along with mindfulness training showed a shift in their brain activity. …”
Tapping – “Tap your temples, cheeks or shoulders repeatedly until you calm down. The mild brain stimulation from the tapping helps to erase the physical basis for a fear…” Interesting, I haven’t tried that, next time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of course all of these are dependent on you being able to pull yourself up from the spin. For me, that means realizing sooner when it’s starting…and that tends to be realizing that “she” (that little voice) is really my amygdala and her presence is an initial indicator than if I don’t talk her off the ledge, we’re both going down!