The transcript of this podcast has a paragraph that jumped out to me:
“… I think one of the reasons it’s spreading (for context “it” = unnecessary apologizing) is that we tend to be more distracted these days because of the technologies we interact with, so it makes us a little bit less intentional in our speech habits…” so the context of the original discussion wasn’t how distraction is affecting our ability to communicate – but you may have noticed, I get sparked and go off on tangents!
Reading the transcript my brain said “Yes! Distraction definitely makes me a less effective communicator.” Recognizing this feels like good news because I believe I can fix that, and I want to fix it because I want to be better understood and I want to have more heartfelt connections. My reasons are not purely altruistic – I’m happier when I’m connected/grounded/at peace but I’m also more focused and therefore more effective.
Here are some tools I can think of.
When writing I can be aware of the things that tend to distract me and turn them off, walk away, otherwise take them out of the equation. It may sound silly but I actually wear those compressible foam ear plugs a lot. Headphones can be too isolating, and depending on what I’m listing to, that’s another source of distraction. The little foam earplugs just “turn down the dial”- muffling my surroundings without cutting me off.
During verbal communication I can be aware of my physical state. If I’m feeling “spun up” my communication is even more likely to ramble. I can stop, breathe, re-focus and re-set. This is a challenge for me – I have several personality traits in common with golden retrievers – have you ever tried to “have a conversation” with an excited golden? (for a fun distraction, watch this golden in competition) – if so then you know what my brain does when there are too many fun, interesting, anxiety triggering thoughts happening at once.
Taking a tip from my Momma, she used to say “lower your voice (volume), speak more slowly” – that one helps, as does noticing when I’m racing down a hallway or from room to room – this sometimes shows up as a little voice saying “I’m late! or I’ve got so much to do”.
What are some of the ways you notice that you’re distracted? How do you refocus? Share with us 🙂